My daughter cuts herself. We first found this out a couple of years ago via the school nurse. I’ll never forget the day. Sucker punched, right in the gut. She did what? If you have a child who self harms, you will understand this feeling. I left work. I raced towards her school while speaking with her father on the phone. He convinced me to not frighten her with a surprise visit (I was a mess) and I went home instead, and cried all afternoon. Heart broken.
Fast forward two years. We’ve had her in therapy, she has a mentor, she seemed to be doing really really well. Until she wasn’t. Some events in her life were upsetting her, and she initially decided to keep them to herself. This led to her second round of cutting. She came to us to tell us her secrets because she said it was her only hope to stop hurting herself.
She showed me the towel that she used to mop up the blood. She showed me her folder of drawings, sayings and poems about self harm. She even has a Pinterest board about it. Heart broken.
The first thing that parents of self harming kids do, is blame themselves. I still argue with myself about this on a daily basis. “What did I do wrong”, “What didn’t I do enough of?”, “What does she need from me to keep from doing this?”
I started this blog to create a place where self harming kids, and parents of self harming kids, can come to share their stories of heartbreak and healing.
If you would like to submit a story for publishing please submit it here.